He knew he was lost
by kendra83
Summary: AU, of course. Elsie is facing another scare about her health and she runs to Doctor Clarkson. But is it really a scare? ***It's my first Downton Abbey story and English is not my language, so...***
1. Chapter 1

"So you felt...a lump?" said the doctor, patting his hands in the towel and side-glaring at her. She was beautiful, really beautiful - not that he was considering the thing under this light for the first time, he knew her from years now and he had gradually learnt to appreciate her... If he had to be honest, the perspective of another lump, the scenario of her going through such a state of preoccupation again was enough to tighten his throat. How could she bear another scare like that, and in less than a year... No, he can't stand the thought.

"I'm not sure," she answered, and he can't help to notice that her eyes were somewhere on the floor, while her cheeks suddenly flushed like she was ashamed. But why should Mrs. Hughes be ashamed of such a conversation with him? Surely it wasn't the first. "I'm not sure, that's why I'm here. If you could..."

She gestured briefly, and he understood what she was meaning. Probably her flush was due to his inspection, he thought, and in that very moment he seemed to realize that he, too, was a little embarrassed himself. She was so beautiful at the moment, and without Mrs. Patmore on her side she looked so alone and frail... He felt the urge - a _highly improper_ urge - to take her hand and drive her in his arms, softly, tenderly, like surely no one has done in all those years but like she, more than anyone other, deserved. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to suppress that image.

"Of course I can. Here, Mrs. Hughes, please make yourself comfortable."

She slowly unfastened the buttons of her dress with shaking hands, Dr. Clarkson thinking it was for she was scared about facing again that nightmare; when she was ready, she gave him a brief smile as a sort of encouragement. Not that he needed it, of course, but that smile had become quite a habit, and they're both fond of that little secret of them.

First she trembled when his fingers pressed on the soft flesh of her breast; he muttered an apology and rubbed his hands one against the other in order to warm them up, then proceeded, trying to be as delicate as he could but very accurate at the same time.

"Good news," he said, keeping on examining her, "I can't feel any lump, so apparently..." Clarkson hadn't remove his hand yet, and it was when he tried to that he realized the true reason of her looking so ashamed - her hand was now on his, lightly, uncertain like uncertain was the glaze in her blue eyes.

"You don't have to, you know," she breathed, and despite of her apparent frailness he knew, without any doubt, she was serious.

His touch ceased to be the clinic touch of a medician and became gentler, hotter.

"Are you sure, Mrs. Hughes?"

She smiled.

And he knew he was lost.


	2. Chapter 2

Their kiss was light, tender, despite of the reason of its beginning. Despite his hand still on her naked breast, despite the way she was flushed, despite of their ragged breaths - despite the implications of such a behaviour, their gestures were sweet, calm, almost reverent.

Her lips parted beneath his own, her flesh soft under his touch, everything was perfect, thought the Doctor, just as perfect as if they've never done anything else in the world than cuddle up one another. His mouth descended on her neck, slowly, briefly kissing every inch while her hands were strongly on his shoulders. The pressure of her fingers on him was quite innocent, save for the way it was useful for her to arch her body nearer to him. Dr. Clarkson thought he was a really lucky man if such a beautiful, strong, independent woman had turned to him when in need of... He stopped. In need of _what_, possibly? It was his fingers' turn to stop on her arms. "Wait," he whispered. She didn't seem surprised.

"Don't worry, Doctor. I do understand. I don't know how it happened, I shouldn't have..."  
"No, wait, please," he told her, putting his thumb on her cheek like it was the most normal thing in the world. "I don't want you to go, believe me. Just..." He paused for a moment, trying to recollect the words. It was quite difficult, with her so close and so little clothed. He fought with himself to keep his eyes on hers. "Just tell me why. Why now? Why me?"

Elsie Hughes tried to smile boldly, but she failed. She was not a wanton woman, everybody knew that, and she was finding very hard the idea of speaking frankly about her feelings - even to a man who not only had visited and manipulated her breast but also kissed her like there was nothing more to do in the whole world. "Why not?" She asked instead, hoping he'd accept her point.

Apparently he did. "I won't say I don't like you, Mrs. Hughes. Quite the contrary, to be honest. I was... I _am_ very fond of you. I do appreciate our chats, our time spent together during the war..." They both smiled, remembering that collaboration of them which probably made Downton see the end of the war without falling in pieces due to the continue fights between Lady Grantham and Mrs. Crawley. "So, as long as I like... better, I _love_, this...occupation..."

"I know. I'm sorry, I don't..."  
"For Heaven's sake, let me finish!" he said, and there was a sort of laugh, in his voice, which made her stop her new flow of apologies. She lifted her eyes, softly chewing her bottom lip. "As I said, as long as I love our occupation in the last minutes, well... I'd like to do things properly, if you'll agree."

She was taken aback, her brows furrowed. "I don't understand."

"I'd like to court you, Mrs. Hughes. It seems I'm not exactly hideous to you..."  
"...certainly you aren't!"  
"I'm glad to hear it. So... Can I hope?"  
"Are you _really_ asking me my permission to court me? After the way I've acted this afternoon?"

He put both his hands on her waist, driving her nearer to him, and he lowered his mouth at the level of her ear before whispering, "_Because_ _of_ it, my darling woman. Because of it."


End file.
